the gazette

The Members of The GazettE
Edit Ruki, Vocalist. sectionEdit Ruki, Vocalist.
Ruki wears a cowboy hat to appeal to his audience in middle America. (Pro tip; it didn't work.)

Ruki is the 'red' fraction of the deity, created to invoke passion, life and creativity into the heart of mankind. His face mirrorred the world as he believed Asia to be the strongest continent and the rising sun on Japan's flag reflects on this compassion. Ruki depised Scientologists believing that they were fucking stupid faithless humans. Unfortunately, he kept it all to himself. (The greedy bastard.) When Kai found out, Ruki got a stern talking to and was eventually convinced to let artistic inspiration back into the world of mortals, resulting in the European Renaissance. However, just before the turn of the 90's, Ruki accidentally ate the concept of originality while making a sandwich, thusly dooming the world to endure god awful things such as Rap Music and Linkin Park.

Despite having existed for all of eternity, Ruki has never mastered English sentence structure. Now, he tries to make up for his failure by writing nonsense jumbles of English words into his band's lyrics. Together with similar antics from other bands in the genre, this resulted in the language phenomenon known as Engrish, which eventually deviated into Kyogrish, which eventually replaced Italian as the national language of Narnia due to it's incredible flexibility of meaning. Middle Earth and Hungary were soon to follow.
Edit Reita, Bassist sectionEdit Reita, Bassist
Reita calling the Whitehouse to 'have a chat'

Reita is the 'yellow' portion of the four-pronged deity. His job is to implant the positive, manly ideals of courage! compassion! and valor! However, due to the nature of humanity to all-around suck at that sort of thing, he has yet to complete his mission. Reita has retained the most resolve in his situation, and has yet to give up on the human race, insisting that he is 'manly and straight' on every occasion. However, it's been recently proven that Reita is actually quite gay, considering he fathered himself and his three brothers with Kai in a terrible time-travel accident, which eventually resulted in Reita being a god for a fraction of his existence. The odd clothing over his nose actually hides the mark of the god.

Reita is a fan of Bananaphones, for they are the only cellular device capable of transporting his godly voice without bursting into flame. Recently, Reita has used his Bananaphone to get more involved with the political manners of the day, in attempts to spread the scripture of the 'yellow' fraction of the deity. When looking at Reita's call list, one will find that he's been making important, manly calls to all walks of human life, including a pizza, his cat, and Bejing-jing-jing. Seeing the usefulness of this device, he has recently begun supporting the promotion of the banana-phone. After all, who wouldn't want one? It's a phone with appeal. And, they're yellow.

Places and people that Reita has not called on his Bananaphone include The Czech Republic, Bill Kaulitz, Banana Republic, and Your mom.
Edit Uruha, "Tallest Purple" Guitar sectionEdit Uruha, "Tallest Purple" Guitar
Despite popular belief, he'll eat your face off.

Uruha, the ‘purple’ fraction of the deity, is a raging drunk. In his early years of godhood, he was recorded to have smashed, burned and sodomized every resident of Atlantis before it sank due to global warming. But all he actually ever destroyed was mankind’s hope to ever be more threatening than he is. This makes sense, because purple is a malevolent color by nature, and the purple fraction of the deity is the most violent and manipulative.

In their earlier years, Uruha tried making money for the band by working as a whore in the red light district; he gave up after a while because many of his clients decided to rape him instead of paying him to consent. This caused him to resort to alcohol as a means to ease the pain inside. Eventually he decided to stick with being a slut instead of whore. Despite the loss of this source of income, the rest of the band approved for reasons that are obvious.

According to a recent study on indecent exposure in Japan, Uruha was found to have what experts referred to as "very sexy legs". The fans themselves, when asked, remarked that they already knew he had sexy legs due to his love and possible medical addiction to hot pants and garter belts. (Only one picture has been seen with him wearing a skirt... "Unfortunately," remarks a leading expert.) Further commentary reveals that his sexy legs and plump lips rival Aoi's girly factor in a very big way. However, despite the rivalry, both Aoi and Uruha have managed to keep up a very passionate love life involving sex in the tour car. Don't worry, it's a rental! (Mother Kai was still not amused when told he couldn't join in)

Uruha’s hobbies include raping Aoi, being awesome, and eating babies to preserve his youthful appearance. Other deities within his plane of existence often disagree with one or all of these actions. To mention the more noteworthy of these events, one day Bhudda himself slapped Uruha for eating babies; the action simultaneously violated every individual guideline of the eightfold path. As a retort, Uruha invented Judaism. The world was never the same.
Edit Uruha two? sectionEdit Uruha two?

Once in an interview, Uruha said he would like to clone himself and call it "Uruha Two". A lot of fan girls strongly supported him in the desire is it would mean they could have 'smexi time' even if the original Uruha didn't like them or had to go away for a live. When asked his opinion, Aoi said he would be keeping all the Uruhas to himself, because it would mean he would get twice the hot seme action.

In response, Ruki punched him in the face and was thought to have said that the "hot seme action was all his, bitch." This swiftly ended the argument.

The controversy also brought into question what the English language would accept as the correct plural form of Uruha. After much debate, the end result was that both "Uruha" and "Uruhas" were an acceptable plurification upon the root noun.
Edit More fun facts that might save your life. (Knowledge is Power) sectionEdit More fun facts that might save your life. (Knowledge is Power)
Figure B

* Uruha's name is a scary robot monster, as seen in figure A.

* While he is not having sex (or even when he is) Uruha loves drinks. Give him a drink and he will love you forever. Or maybe not, since Aoi would cry, (he does that a lot,) but he'll love you for a few seconds at least. Uruha's love is directly convertible to Mexican Pesos at your nearest Wal-Mart, and is the national currency of Korena.

* Uruha is not afraid of Fire.

* Uruha's legs are naturally hairless, because even protein is afraid of him.'

* Misfortunes to Uruha include times when Aoi is too horny (see in need of emotional rescue) and simply won't leave him alone- which usually means that Uruha will have to reveal his unknown superpower, speculated by some to be suffocation thighs or disembowelment by stylishly pointy hair. Other incidents include when Kai joined the band - which had made him very upset with how his world was going. When asked to elaborate, Uruha punched Burt Reynolds in the face.

Edit Aoi, Guitar sectionEdit Aoi, Guitar
Aoi pretending to like Metallica

Aoi is the 'blue' fraction of the deity, hence his name. The blue deity is devoted to the balance and harmony of all living things, bringing tranquility and calm to the masses. However, Aoi was never very good at this, so he resorted to giving everybody crack instead. This really didn't work out so well. Eventually, he gave up entirely, which explains why the world is in the sorry state it's in.

He pretends to like Metallica so he doesn't look gay but is actually a devoted fan of The Cure. It was recently discovered that all of his Metallica CD cases actually contained burnt CDs of The Cure and Linkin Park, proving once and for all that he was a twelve year old girl, and a music pirate, the most evil combination of all things on the planet. If he only knew that Robert Smith is actually, despite popular belief, awesome, then maybe he could completely embrace his love of unplugged music. Then he might not feel so bad about being such a girl.

After the news of his illegal downloads were published, Aoi was taken in custody, charged and sentenced to life imprisonment in Hell. The band visits him every other Sunday with a gift basket. The current guitarrist of the band is actually Miyavi in disguise. However, as Aoi nowadays has lots of leisure time, he single-handedly wrote all of the band's fourth studio album, "It's so dim in here I can't see what I'm playing".

Aoi is often considered the prettiest of the group, probably because he spends so much of his time around acoustic guitars, which has been proven to make you absolutely gorgeous. Unfortunately, it's predicted that eventually this will all go to his head, and the others may murder him out of jealousy.
Edit People that look like Aoi sectionEdit People that look like Aoi

People that look like Aoi include, but are not limited to, Alessa from Silent Hill, Eva Longoria, Miyavi, and That Guy. This is most likely because Aoi is actually the third rebirth of Alessa, and will one day lead us all to paradise. As for Miyavi... well, hellifino. Maybe he's the long lost fifth brethren of the deity. Like that one person in captain planet or something.

Aoi is also rumored by the fans to have a striking resemblance to God.
Edit Kai sectionEdit Kai

On the surface, Kai is the caring drummer and leader of the group of Godly beings. But he is actually the Sacred Mother of the Gazette who accidentally ordered the Holocaust as the fishes know it so that his lovely brood can play the 4-D war game on Wii. His origins cannot be traced because has not yet uncovered a technological wozoo that could detect his species. But it is assumed that he first saw poop on October 28, which became his unofficial official birthday. Kai loves to cook unborn babies and toxic waste and turn them into yummy innocent cheesecake. If he's not busy, he makes darkscreen lotion for Aoi. Kai used his skills in kicking Scientologists on their groins to train for soccer so he can put up some fight with manly and cool Reita and his bird. Kai says that drumming is his best but when he was a teenager he should of learned to play the piano, because his mom is a piano teacher. He likes to pound things. Kai is a very caring person and treats the members as if they were his own children because they really are.
Edit Kai's Past sectionEdit Kai's Past

Kai's discarded oversoul goes by the name of Uke Yutaka, a cat-loving wizard that survived the Salem Witch Trials. But he was betrayed by his comrades and turn him into a sardines company so he swore to avenge abused cat owners and send demise to all catkind. However he lost his focus when Uruha gave him a stray dog he just fucked. Wanting to save Uru from the shame, he went to China and turned the dog red. His special power can be activated by shaving his head bald like a Buddhist Monk and talk Asdfish.
Edit Things Kai does not want sectionEdit Things Kai does not want
"Oh my god!! The scientologists!!!"

The things that Kai does not want include;

* Scientologists
* Harry potter
* Apple Juice.
* High School musical 3
* Knitted cupcakes
* You

Edit Former members sectionEdit Former members
Edit Yune sectionEdit Yune

Yune was a scientologist who was sent by Hitler to kill The GazettE. His plot was foiled when Kai discovered his evil intentions, and thus being so motherly as is he, defended his brood by killing Yune. Without a drummer in the band, he had also replaced Yune shortly after they were done hiding his corpse in Stephen Colbert's lawn.